Kleptollama (corellianrogue) wrote,


It's like a black hole. Only it's not black. Because then you wouldn't be able to see it coming, but you can. It's a giant flashing neon sign dragging you under like a tidal wave. And there's nothing you can do. That's the worst part. There's NOTHING you can do, not even if you wanted to. And it's flashing and flashing, maybe there are even warning sirens, but you ignore it. You've been down this neon-black hole before, you think you can avoid it. Heck, you're sure you can avoid it. You are avoiding it... except you're already caught in the pull. And by the time you realize and pay attention to the signs yelling at you, it's too late and you're past the event horizon, the point of no return, down the rabbit hole, if you will. And there's no turning back. You can either spend all your strength fighting to stay just this side of oblivion or give in and slide, hoping you come out the other side. At the same time, the flashing neon fades to black, you stop noticing it, and then you find you don't really care, it's comfortable here inside anti-space. You're used to it, you know this place. It's safe. Safe from everyone except yourself and how could you save yourself from... you? Maybe you don't want to. Maybe it's easier to just... accept the black. It's warm almost. You don't have to worry about anyone but yourself, you don't have to care, you don't have to feel what everyone else says because you're already thinking-feeling-KNOWING it. It doesn't matter that they aren't telling you what you're hearing. It doesn't matter that the black isn't as warm as it feels, that you're really freezing to death but you can't tell. And that's the best part, after a while, you can't tell, there is no black, no flashing neon, no warning sirens, no thoughts you don't want to have. Only... they're still there. You can't see them anymore but you can feel them. They won't leave. Even if you escape your neon-black prison, they never leave. They're quieter, the neon signs a little dimmer, but they whisper and you know they're still there. They're always there. Yeah, that's kinda what it's like.

I either need a hug or a slap upside the head. Sad thing is, I'm not sure which... You're warned for the above thingy. It's not happy. And... yeah... I don't feel like putting details on here, for once. If you know me, you can get ahold of me. Although, why you would want to... meh. yeah.

Only a few hours till con. I'll try to be happy by then. Look, smiley :)
Tags: angst

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