Kleptollama (corellianrogue) wrote,

My weekend has been wasted on K-dramas and I couldn't be happier~

Heaven's Postman made me cry, but not the ending.

I mean, the ending was sweet and d'aw, but definitely not sniffle-worthy. (Although I want to squish Jaejun so much. He's like a kicked puppy as soon as Hana starts getting better, knowing their time is running short.)

Nope, it's the little old man and his wife. She was waiting for him! How adorable is that?! Obviously, whatever the past, they were in love, and she waited, and aaaaaaaaaaah, I want heaven to be like that. *sniffles*

All-in-all, I quite enjoyed it, though Jaejun was very much a throw-back to the early DBSK days. XD 'Just let him be himself' indeed.

Otherwise this weekend, I've been mostly watching Sungkyunkwan Scandal. Aaaaaaaaaaah, Yoochunnie, so wonderful. Even if Yeorim is my favorite character by quite a bit. XD

...And even if I SHOULD be working on my nuna_fanworks exchange fic instead of watching Kdramas all weekend. >.>;;;;;;;;

Angst Space, in case you clicked the first cut but do not want to read the second...




Is this enough? One more.



I do still want to post about all the things that have been happening since whenever, but... let's face it. Life's been out to get me since August. Things are getting worse, not better. I sometimes feel like I can't even function without thinking about her, and then I start sobbing in the bathroom at the dealership while I'm waiting for an oil change. Yes, that was my Saturday, folks. Crying in a Chevy dealership. Truly, my life has reached a new pinnacle.

I want to be ME again, but I feel like I don't know where that me went or how to get back to it. Like I died with her. Sometimes I really wish I had. It's been two months. Sometimes it feels like a horrible dream or like I'm imagining it. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. It always hurts. It hurts that I'll never see her again, or talk to her, or listen to her stupid jokes that I always called her a dork for telling. (Honestly, NO ONE thought 'It's not a tumor' was funny anymore, Mom. That movie wasn't even that good.) She isn't here to teach my nephew how to drive or to go on trips with us or take me to the airport or just be there when I need advice. She's not here to meet Janel. She's not here to play Santa Claus and stay up all night wrapping boxes like we don't all know it's her by now.

She's not HERE. And that hurts more than I've ever thought anything could hurt. And I've realized, over the last couple years, all the things that have felt like her doing TOO much was just her trying to do a lifetime's worth of stuff in just a few years. Stuff for us. Cooking and cleaning and talking to us. Like she knew. And, I mean, she had to have. No doctor is going to sit there and lie and say you'll get better when you've got something like that. No one gets better. It's one of those diseases that just gets stronger and stronger the more you fight it until killing it would involve killing you in the process. No one beats what she had. And she had to know that.

Knowing that doesn't help.

And crying fucks up my contacts.

Sorry. I guess maybe watching a movie about a guy who takes letters to heaven from people who lost their loved ones wasn't the best idea right now. In retrospect.
Tags: angst, dbsk, family, me

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