Kleptollama (corellianrogue) wrote,
Kleptollama
corellianrogue

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So, gollum1215 and I were talking on aim last night. He read Iliad, abridged and Romeo and Juliet, abridged (and was the only one to get what I was trying to do with Mercutio). Then we started talking about what other abridged stuff I might do. If I do the whole list we came up with, this will be a LONG series. hee. Anyway, he mentioned he's rereading Lord of the Rings, so here...is...



Part 1.

Eru Iluvitar, father of all: I'm bored.

Everything: *existence*

Valar: Go Dad!

Part 2.

*a while later*

Sauron: Mwahahahhaaaaaaaaa!

Isildur: *poke*

Sauron: Owchies! *sorta-death*

Isildur: w00t!

Elrond: Cast it back into the fiery chasm from whence it came!!

Isildur: Go suck a lemon.

Part 3.

Ring: heeeee

Isildur: *death*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 4.

Smeagol: Happy Birthday to me!

Deagol: *death*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 5.

*knock*

Bilbo: who could that be?

Gandalf and dwarves: SURPRISE!

Bilbo: *death*... okay, not really

Bilbo: oh, my.

Gandalf: Well, see you later, then.

Bilbo and dwarves: *quest*

Part 6.

Trolls: Food!

Sun: *rise*

Trolls: *stone*

Bilbo and dwarves: YAY!

Part 7.

Ring: heeeeeeeee

Gollum: Where is the Precious?

Bilbo: ooh, shiny.

Gollum: AARRRrrghgh!

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 8.

This part of the book contained giant spiders. *shudder* We will say no more.

Part 9.

Thranduil: I hate dwarves.

Legolas: This book would be so much better with me in it. *flounce*

Dwarves: We hate elves.

Bilbo: Fine. Ignore me. I'll just stand in the corner like I'm invisible.... oh.

Ring: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Bilbo and dwarves: *escape*

Part 10. (wow, this is really long)

Smaug: *death*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Thranduil: mine!

Armies: DIE!!!!!

Everyone else: sigh

Part 11.

Bilbo: Lucy, I'm home!

The Sackville-Bagginses: Dang it!

--INTERMISSION--

Part 12.

Bilbo: Well, goodbye!

Gandalf: Bilbo...

Ring: curses *evil*

Part 13.

Frodo: RUN!

Black Rider: *sniff*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Black Rider: *poke*

Frodo: *near death*

Strider: Rawr!

Black Riders: eeeeeeeeeee *run away*

Part 14.

Arwen: I'll save Frodo.

Glorfindel: Not on my horse you won't, missy. Go visit your grandma.

Arwen: *pout*

Frodo: *near death*

Asfaloth: ... (well what did you expect a HORSE to say?)

Part 15.

Caradras: *growl*

Krebain: *caw*

Ring: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hobbits: *cold*

Legolas: I'm not. *flounce*

Watcher: Rawr!

Fellowship: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

Moria: *sealed*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 16.

Balrog: growl

Hobbits: did you hear something?

Gandalf: *death*

Part 17.

Boromir: Here...hobbithobbithobbit.

Ring: heeeeeeeeee

Frodo: eeek!

Frodo and Sam: *run away*

Ring: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Boromir: *death*

Part 18

Pippin: Merry, I'm bored.

Merry: Shut up, Pip.

Orcs: Rawr!

Legolas: I never get dirty, even when I've been in the wilderness for months. *flounce*

*fighting*

Gimli: 1

Legolas: 2 and a half

Gimli: ...?

Legolas: It was a small orc.

Gandalf: *save*

Rohirrim: YAY!

Saruman: grrrrrr *throws a tantrum*

Pippin: I'm still bored. Ooh, shiny. *eye of Sauron*

Gandalf: sigh

Part 19.

see part 8.

Part 20.

Almost everyone: *death*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 21.

Ring: heeeeeeee

Gollum and Frodo: DIE!!!!

Ring: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *molten lava*

Part 22.

*more death*

Eagles: *save*

Part 23.

*happy ending*

*except for Sauron*

EL FIN!!

whoo! That was a bit longer than I thought it'd be. Almost not abridged anymore. Course, considering how long the original stuff is, I don't feel so bad. :)

Life is happiness right now. No more cold, just a sinus headache. Bunch of tests next week and week after, ickiness. Speaking of... homework calls, bleh. But I've just spent almost an hour avoiding it, so... yeah. Later.
Tags: writing
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