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Dec. 23rd, 2009 @ 07:05 pm Grr Argh
So, one of the VPs at work sent this out today. I just wanted to share it with you all as a shining example of something coming from someone who has never fucking worked retail.

My comments are in (italics)~

SMile & mOVE (Oh. Well, okay then. It sounds dirty to me, but whatever.)

How To Smile (It's just gas.)
Wake Up
- Engage with care and attention
Be Thankful
- The opportunity to serve is a gift (No, it's a paycheck. Unless you mean being able to stand some of these bastards without stabbing them in the neck with a pen. THAT is a gift, yeah.)
Be Approachable
- We're at each others service
Complain Less
- Being positive is more fun! (...I'm not even touching this.)
Smile, REALLY Smile
- it's where pleasantness begins

How to Move
Start Early and Go Long
-Get Lost in your service to others (That sounds like a cult, but thanks.)
Exceed Expectations
-Expect more from yourself and you'll exceed others expectations. (Y'know, the amazing lack of proof-reading in this whole thing really makes me believe in management's knowledge and caring for me.)
Have A Sense of Urgency
-Everyone's time is valuable (Yeah, tell that to the fuckers who come in at 4:59 when we close at 5:00.)
Be Resourceful & Resilient
-Results are what we are after. (Thank you for completely devaluing me as a person. Really. Love you, too.)

Smile & Move
Be A SMOVER!!! (Fuck you!)

So yeah, that's pretty much my view of things. Feel free to add your own. :D
About this Entry
Fluffy- Destroyer of Worlds
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Date:December 24th, 2009 01:20 am (UTC)
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...that sounds really skeezy.

Also, he fails for not even working with a clever acronym. Everyone knows that motivational memos are supposed to use acronyms.
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Date:December 24th, 2009 01:22 pm (UTC)
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Tell me about it! He should motivate himself to send better emails.
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Date:December 24th, 2009 01:25 am (UTC)
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That guy clearly belongs to the same school of motivational emails as our entire marketing department.

Also, SMOVE sounds like a laxative.
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Date:December 24th, 2009 01:24 pm (UTC)
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And he's been on a roll this week. Usually we'll get one once a month or so when I sales slip a bit (we being the entire bank, not just our branch), but he's sent one every day this week so far. The other two weren't this bad, just the sort of stupid "motivational" story they make HR videos about and whatever. Obviously, our management team is spending its highly paid time right.

I think SMOVE might be kind of multi-purpose. Like Smurf. "I'll smove the smove. You smove on out of here!"
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Date:December 24th, 2009 01:47 am (UTC)
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I will at least give my HR department credit for their ridiculous pep talks having some creativity.

..."the opportunity to serve is a gift?" Ohhh, I could say something so very inappropriate but I'll refrain. (And not even inappropriate in the fun way, bah.)
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Date:December 24th, 2009 01:26 pm (UTC)
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Oh, well, if it's not inappropriate in the FUN way...

Speaking of inappropriate in the fun way, though (XD), I sincerely hope you aren't working the insanely long days you were the last time you were on days, because I've been bouncing since last night. ;P
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Date:December 24th, 2009 08:12 am (UTC)
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Lol! Seriously, I think all retail upper-management types have to go through some kind of freakin' class to come up with the stupid crap they put in these things. Because, seriously, who in their right mind believes something like that is motivational in any way? *rolls eyes* Just have to say, at times, I'm glad I work in the cafe at the bookstore and don't have to worry about all that customer service/sales crap out on the floor. XD
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Date:December 24th, 2009 01:27 pm (UTC)
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It's gotta be. It makes no sense without some 'how to motivate your employees without even trying' class. And actually, I work at a bank. You wouldn't think we'd have to deal with that so much, but oh my GOD do we get hounded about sales these days.
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Date:December 24th, 2009 10:47 am (UTC)
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...be a smover? Really?
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Date:December 24th, 2009 01:27 pm (UTC)
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I don't get it, either. And all it motivated us to do was mock the email.