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Sep. 14th, 2005 @ 03:21 pm (no subject)
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So, gollum1215 and I were talking on aim last night. He read Iliad, abridged and Romeo and Juliet, abridged (and was the only one to get what I was trying to do with Mercutio). Then we started talking about what other abridged stuff I might do. If I do the whole list we came up with, this will be a LONG series. hee. Anyway, he mentioned he's rereading Lord of the Rings, so here...is...



Part 1.

Eru Iluvitar, father of all: I'm bored.

Everything: *existence*

Valar: Go Dad!

Part 2.

*a while later*

Sauron: Mwahahahhaaaaaaaaa!

Isildur: *poke*

Sauron: Owchies! *sorta-death*

Isildur: w00t!

Elrond: Cast it back into the fiery chasm from whence it came!!

Isildur: Go suck a lemon.

Part 3.

Ring: heeeee

Isildur: *death*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 4.

Smeagol: Happy Birthday to me!

Deagol: *death*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 5.

*knock*

Bilbo: who could that be?

Gandalf and dwarves: SURPRISE!

Bilbo: *death*... okay, not really

Bilbo: oh, my.

Gandalf: Well, see you later, then.

Bilbo and dwarves: *quest*

Part 6.

Trolls: Food!

Sun: *rise*

Trolls: *stone*

Bilbo and dwarves: YAY!

Part 7.

Ring: heeeeeeeee

Gollum: Where is the Precious?

Bilbo: ooh, shiny.

Gollum: AARRRrrghgh!

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 8.

This part of the book contained giant spiders. *shudder* We will say no more.

Part 9.

Thranduil: I hate dwarves.

Legolas: This book would be so much better with me in it. *flounce*

Dwarves: We hate elves.

Bilbo: Fine. Ignore me. I'll just stand in the corner like I'm invisible.... oh.

Ring: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Bilbo and dwarves: *escape*

Part 10. (wow, this is really long)

Smaug: *death*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Thranduil: mine!

Armies: DIE!!!!!

Everyone else: sigh

Part 11.

Bilbo: Lucy, I'm home!

The Sackville-Bagginses: Dang it!

--INTERMISSION--

Part 12.

Bilbo: Well, goodbye!

Gandalf: Bilbo...

Ring: curses *evil*

Part 13.

Frodo: RUN!

Black Rider: *sniff*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Black Rider: *poke*

Frodo: *near death*

Strider: Rawr!

Black Riders: eeeeeeeeeee *run away*

Part 14.

Arwen: I'll save Frodo.

Glorfindel: Not on my horse you won't, missy. Go visit your grandma.

Arwen: *pout*

Frodo: *near death*

Asfaloth: ... (well what did you expect a HORSE to say?)

Part 15.

Caradras: *growl*

Krebain: *caw*

Ring: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hobbits: *cold*

Legolas: I'm not. *flounce*

Watcher: Rawr!

Fellowship: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

Moria: *sealed*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 16.

Balrog: growl

Hobbits: did you hear something?

Gandalf: *death*

Part 17.

Boromir: Here...hobbithobbithobbit.

Ring: heeeeeeeeee

Frodo: eeek!

Frodo and Sam: *run away*

Ring: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Boromir: *death*

Part 18

Pippin: Merry, I'm bored.

Merry: Shut up, Pip.

Orcs: Rawr!

Legolas: I never get dirty, even when I've been in the wilderness for months. *flounce*

*fighting*

Gimli: 1

Legolas: 2 and a half

Gimli: ...?

Legolas: It was a small orc.

Gandalf: *save*

Rohirrim: YAY!

Saruman: grrrrrr *throws a tantrum*

Pippin: I'm still bored. Ooh, shiny. *eye of Sauron*

Gandalf: sigh

Part 19.

see part 8.

Part 20.

Almost everyone: *death*

Ring: whoopsie *evil*

Part 21.

Ring: heeeeeeee

Gollum and Frodo: DIE!!!!

Ring: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *molten lava*

Part 22.

*more death*

Eagles: *save*

Part 23.

*happy ending*

*except for Sauron*

EL FIN!!

whoo! That was a bit longer than I thought it'd be. Almost not abridged anymore. Course, considering how long the original stuff is, I don't feel so bad. :)

Life is happiness right now. No more cold, just a sinus headache. Bunch of tests next week and week after, ickiness. Speaking of... homework calls, bleh. But I've just spent almost an hour avoiding it, so... yeah. Later.
About this Entry
Llamas
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From:youko_astarael
Date:September 14th, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC)
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:3

*DEATH*
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From:gollum1215
Date:September 18th, 2005 07:27 am (UTC)
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So sorry it took me so long to reply, but this kicked ass! Or am i just that easily amused, we do need to get together to make a Rent, but only after the movie comes out so we dont spoil anything. I have a feeling there are many great classics to come...